Chopin's Funeral March is a bit too bright - in my opinion anyway lol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyFyAqLtHq8&feature=related

~

Friend Mao Chong is moving to China (his spoken Chinese is really horrible and he thinks in English) I would like to visit China but I certainly would not like to become a citizen. I wonder what country I would like to live in...  Woah, rambling.

All plans have fallen in place for the next school year except I doubt my textbook will arrive for the summer course on time. Therefore I am content. The summer assignment are really boring so I am not going to do then until the last minute... again. I did however get the highest score on them last time so my method cannot be too detrimental, or rather I am a stifled spirit about to explode from this nonsense and I should just get them out of my way so I can roam the heavens.

Magistra II inspired me. I want to learn Greek.
Magistra I bequeathed me "501 Latin Verbs" me as she absconded for Paris.
Are magistrae the only right and just people in this world?

Again, today, I met two people I feel strangely towards.  The unique characteristics that present themselves, I have not observed else where, yet they are so very charming. So charming, but I am restricted in my contact by ordinary but insurmountable means. Furthering my confusion, I am not particularly sure why I even like Bi De. He is not intellectually adroit I am sure, and therefore it must be that he represents the faction of social action I try so desperately to distance myself from. He asked me whether or not I had a Facebook and of course I smiled gently and affirmed the negative. Such social rituals are so far from the main goal of evolution, but the sickening thing about evolution… only those that had the will to survive among favorable adaptation succeeded in passing along their genes. And today, all things living generally contain that will; it was not through artificial selection that the will was created, and thus it must be natural. But the thing that strikes me with such dissonance, at different, and perhaps all, periods of time for some, the apex of existence was not to reproduce but whatever it was that took precedence led to the failure of succession and thus the failed continuation of any other desires. And now I cannot help but think that the ingrained want of reproduction is unnatural, alternatives presented themselves but by the mere nature of life they were not passed along. The furthering of humanity cannot manifest because all things we do are made, consciously or not, for success in reproduction. Obviously, there exist today many people, but certainly not a majority, without such a drive, through a “malfunction” in their genetics or perhaps social circumstances, but they will more than likely not be contributing to the succeeding generation and the continuation of the variance. Now that I think about it though, unnatural is not quite the right word for this in the sense that its antonym would be natural. The point is a change of aspirations not reflected by the ancestral brain, aspirations created by the relatively new ability of introspection, aspirations regarding the height of humanity meaning something beyond the continuation of our species.  Bi De, I think represents both the need for social connections developed by evolution and the alternative aspirations nature perpetually tries to abandon, and all without a hint of academic persuasion.

By comparison, my reason for liking Mo Yu is quite simple. Aesthetics. He is demure, and as Swann says of Odette, he quirks his fingers just so and it reminds me terribly of the tension and life in Baroque art. Such unintentional languid grace…

Anyway, I have almost finished my study of Joyce thanks to the concert call-time being so many hours off.

When ever I see someone with brown hair and blue eyes, I aways think about what sort of experiments the Nazis would have performed on them.

Freud... get thee behind me!

I have just learn 120 characters, I have a head-ache as much I would like to continue.

~

Mao Chong lent me a very interesting book regarding cognitive and evolutionary psychology, not so much that it helped me understand more clearly the motives of others, but I understand myself...

As I did not expect, that is very not fun. What I thought to be interesting, temperamental quirks coming from nothing in particular are in fact the subtle manipulations of the ancient parts of my brain. Interesting to note of course, but the excitement was in the unpredictability of such things.

Ignorance is truly bliss.

~

Sebastian, you and I are officially rivals. Starting now.

~T'chuss

Chinese school is over for the year, certainly I am glad I get to sleep longer on Saturday and I can engage in a more rigorous self-study but all of the dear people in that class, admittedly I actually knew or liked very few of them, though those dear people I am quite sad to no longer see. Everyone I considered a friend expressed the same sentiment, which was consoling, and even allowed me to take pictures of or with them. Normally of course, we all seem to be dreadfully camera shy.
Thankfully, my studying the prior week paid off and I was awarded first place in the Character Recognition Contest an accomplishment happily added to my equal standing in the Speech Contest. A last testament to my greatness which I was glad no-one seemed particularly bitter about.
My dearest friend Guan Xi even gave me a hug as he departed, something quite unexpected and also something which prompted my neighbor and carpool-accomplice to ask whether or not a deeper feeling was at work.
Of course I don't think so but I am known to be ignorant in such matters.

The melancholy that persisted after the fact, I think, makes me consider what a friend is. Certainly, Hua Yuan and Shu Ping were the people I liked most to talk with, being older and therefor more knowledgeable about subjects not quite within my reach. Hua Yuan and his perfect SAT score, his ability to discuss Faust and Remembrance of Things Past and any other book I brought to read during break, I certainly loathe to have parted with him. Guan Xi though, I wonder why we were friends at all, for most of the year there was rivalry and a certain rancor over the position of Table Leader which I perpetually held. His spoken Chinese always amazed me, and I did consider him Vice-Table Leader, capable of taking over my duties when I was absent. What we spoke of, I remember to be simple, perhaps frivolous things, conversations I would normally disdain. The only thing I can think of that differentiates him, would be some basic cleverness, an appreciation of Chopin and Saint-Saens. The thing absent that from a year past so dominated my speech, puns, I never used a single one, I didn't bother to even think of any during Chinese school. Though to monotony of English school I make them all the time, no-one is quite quick enough to understand them as soon as they are uttered, but I still find them terribly amusing. Du and Mao Chong and I made puns almost every sentence, made them out of each other's sentences, out of teachers' sentences, often they were only funny because they were ridiculous. But that is just what I lack now, some brilliant people with personalities so utterly un-serious, people like myself (though I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to call myself brilliant). At the end of Chinese school all I have is an idiot neighbor who gets C's while occasionally teaching me some Chinese and a Vietnamese friend whose English is poor, though since our acquaintance, she has improved tremendously. Certainly neither of these people understand my puns, and now I find that is really all I want in a friend.

What is it that separates fascinating from insipid? Something that holds your attention yet is close enough to what you know so as not to lose you, is it unattainable?

~

I never thought I would be learning Chinese off of gaudy t-shirts, but oddly enough, I had my Chinese dictionary in hand at what was quite the opportune moment.

天才
tian1 cai2
genius or talented person


Let knowledge fill your soul.

Edit: I am told by a trusted compatriot that tain cai is almost the same in Vietnamese, I think, the "tc" sound is replaced by a more mellifluous "k"

For some reason, people have recently been assuming my spoken Chinese is proficient, and also that my general skill regarding reading and writing comes from living in China. All of which is quite flattering and of course I give myself an A in psychological manipulations. But I have to wonder, the ramifications of perceptions I reportedly expel... never am I the one to think in "ethical" terms a.k.a. standard terms, but the majority of others do, so they do merit some consideration. Basically, I have multiple personalities, which I believe appropriate for their respective situations. Hardly though, are they separate, rather, I think of them as an amplification of one facet or another of my complete personality.
I am not bothered by this process myself, as, of course, I am the one instigating it. But I have to wonder why it is I never hear or suspect others using blatant and pre-meditated manipulations of perception. Quite possibly, I am surrounded by fools and clever sociopaths. Perhaps you have never had the chance, but sociopaths are pretty much the most interesting friends ever… and I presume because of their irregular views and supposed malfunctions I became aware of the impact of perception and began experimenting with it.
All of this reminds me of the social circles of former times, which I am now not entirely sure I believe to the extent of which they are proposed in various novels. The only thing to do, I assume would be to go and study more people… which I will be doing in the morning ~ Wan An

你是火星回來的嗎

ni shi huo xing hui lai de ma

Did you just come back from Mars? 囧


我是硬盘人

wo shi ying pan ren

I am a hard disk person (outsider).

I stayed home from school again and read philosophy. Was that not a good use of my time?

So much for paraskavedekatriaphillia, I got burned by hydrochloric acid today!

I think I am becoming insane. Every time I try to read, Latin infinitives present themselves as some sort of "auxiliary" meaning to the verbs...
~
A Noble Prize winning physicist came to our school today, his Romanian accent was quite hypnotizing, never mind about quantum mechanics.
~
Theory of Everything
I cannot decide whether this article is complete WIN or utter FAIL.
~
My week long headache is still going strong.

Yesterday it was quite warm and a lovely low pressure system had moved in, the combination felt exactly the same as the weather of last summer. I ate cake for breakfast with my Chinese parents and in the cool breeze I had a horrible nostalgia.

Our Chinese textbook lists shu ke as meaning "maths". I found that strange until Hua Yuan informed me the rest of the world does not call it math...

Ditching school tomorrow. I need a respite from the idiocy.

First AL game, I scored the final and winning points for our team. Orthographic projection, I shan't say this ever again, but thank you for existing.

Sophists and enchiladas also played pivotal roles.

~
English was and is dismal. Why is it that I am taught by dunderheads?

Religion on the other hand was delightful...

"I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for religion - I have shuddered at it. I shudder no more - I could be martyred for my religion - Love is my religion - I could die for that."
-John Keats

...but not for that reason XD

Ursa Major and Minor finally came in handy during Academic League, for which I am fairly pleased. But unfortunately dampening, the only thing I can think to write for English is a vindication of Hitler... gah...

As one increases their artistic skill, his or her ability to detect flaws also increases, thus as a great artist, everything around you become malproportioned, ugly. So can you never have the perception of perfection without ignorance or awareness without atrocities?

SEE WHAT LOW BUDGET ANIMÉ DOES TO YOU!?

(This of course does not go into the variables of perception from the base of zero with perception changing the base and the universal non-extant, quod they measure on a parallel scale that may or may not be equal)


SUPER AMAZING FACT OF THE DAY!!!

According to my dictionary of etymologies, "solipsism" is from solus (alone) and ipse (self). Of course that seems completely obvious but I find it quite charming how well both of those roots are disguised.

As lachrymose as I am, why does it hearten me to read the Psychology Today website?

Oh, the fashion is to hence forth to bring dictionaries to English. I know it is going to catch on, and if it does... well, all to further my social manipulations experiment.

My eyes tire, I need to read some more so I can get glasses.

This state of half needing them is profusely irritating.

~
我家沒有東西 !

Possibly the best sentence in my paragraph.

~

As young as Lolita, but as old as time.

And it is time that I lack.

~

(Title of course Cicero: O Tempora! O Mores!)

What is the meaning of death?

I read an article today about loners and "loneliness" and was rather tempted to print it out and shove it in some perpetually antagonizing faces but really, I could have written the thing, it was nothing new. 'Twas given credibility only by the "PhD" after the author's name...

I want a PhD.

Today, I was given some 红茶 (Hong Cha, literally: Red Tea) directly from Hong Kong, about which I was excited, but it tasted horrid.

I was disappointed.

Nothing I got for Christmas I want, which, as of now, consists of a set of twenty pastels (I have already a set of forty-eight), the mentioned 红茶 and slippers.


The divide between being inwardly materialistic and not actually showing it, is painful right now. But I do suppose it is a necessary part of the composed demeanor one such as myself must display.

And by that I do mean, one who has nothing but what they are perceived to have.

Which really, is nought but as state of mind, to perceive being perceived as such.  

Phenomenologically, a perception, that is all anyone is anyway...

Hmmm... I wish I had someone to talk to.

Oh, also, my feet are cold.

Very well, Happy Winter Solstice.

I am very cold.

我要茶.

This feeling, melancholy perpetually penetrated by nervousness. I suppose I could do something about if only I did not somewhat enjoy whatever this whimsical flimsy is. 

Can I even identify with myself as past any longer?

If I knew myself as a separate entity, would we get along?

I sustain myself purely upon cupcakes and apple juice... and it comes to this.

Well, now I have about ten different quotes from Faust alone floating in my head, I know not one for this moment.

I am very tempted to use my quote from the last post, as it is all too often too true.

Oh, I had forgotten until just now,

Happy Belated Liturgical New Year ~ !

-hands out red envelops-

你拿红包~!

我拿红包~!

他拿红包~!

-greedily looks for money when I really should be looking for the spirit of Christmas-

O^O;;

Anyway ~

T'chuss!

What is with this...? I am misunderstood and then I do not even to both to correct the person...?

Is it inherent laziness, or something more serious?

~

Forgive! I hear your declamation;
Surely, you read a Grecian tragedy?

(Faust, I, ii, 522-523)

__________________________________________________________________


"How the Holocaust was celebrated"

...

sleep plz
kthxbi

Two days ago, I finished my entire biology test with a piece of vine charcoal. Yep.

HEADACHE!!!!!!! -dies-

I was feeling better until I decided to ruin my green tea by letting it soak for about twenty minutes. Adding honey only provided something more revolting.

I finished The Inferno yesterday... not that has anything to do with anything.

And today I found something I had written, about a year ago:

      "And rest can never dwell, hope never comes
       That comes to all; but torture without end"
                                   (Paradise Lost, I, 10)

I smell a fanfic in the works.
~
Did you know, Milton's 400th birthday is in December?